Weight of Living
by blood red youth
Summary: Fifty snapshots of Mika and Arrow, from the very beginning through to the very end. [Spoilers for SLC and DSS, definitely not intended as slash]


_I love these 1sentence things but also I hate them, because they are really deceptively difficult to write. This is much like the other one I wrote, except this is set Beta instead of Gamma. Anyway, I had this half-finished for a while and forgot about it until today – hope you enjoy!_

_(These are not in chronological order, obviously)_

_EDIT: There were so many errors in this, it was embarrassing. I think they are all fixed now, hopefully! _

_EDIT 2: Probably going to turn one of these, or a couple, into a fic of their own - let me know in a review or a PM which are your favourite candidates. _

* * *

_1. Walking  
When I told you to dress like a human, _Mika starts, gaping in disbelief at Arrow's torn tunic and bloodied trousers as they walk through the crowded thoroughfare, attracting plenty of stares as they go, _was there a part of that you didn't understand?_

_2. Waltz_  
Arrow doesn't fit well into high-society and looks uncomfortable in his dress-robes – none of the women in their glittering gowns spare him a glance, and none of the men offer him a cigar – but Mika steps into the waltz without hesitation, looking like he is back at home again after nothing more than a few years away.

_3. Wishes_  
Mika sometimes sits up long into the day and wishes things could go back to the way they were – without Arrow, what does he really have left?

_4. Wonder_  
Arrow knows what brought _him_ here, into this god-forsaken blizzard without his shoes, chasing after his mentor across the ice. but he can't help but wonder about Mika, the dark Duke; how could this have possibly been preferable to life in the lap of luxury?

_5. Worry_  
At first, Paris wonders whether he might be forced to cut his younger assistant loose or find him another mentor – he and Arrow fight constantly at first, with words and with weapons, pausing barely even to eat or to rest – but when push comes to shove, Arrow steps up to challenge the plucky Vampaneze so that Mika, the less experienced, the more likely to fall, doesn't have to.

_6. Whimsy_  
When Vancha drops by to visit his former mentor Mika knows that the young General commands his utmost respect – but when Arrow has that mischievous look in his eyes, he can't help joining him in tipping the bucket of ice-cold water over the green-haired vampire as he sleeps, consequences be damned.

_7. Waste/Wasteland_  
They have a little boy now, a little boy Arrow swears will never know the horrors and hardships of their life, and though Mika tries his best to be happy for them, all he can ever think is _what a waste_.

_8. Whiskey and Rum_  
_Larten Crepsley, of all people, what the fuck was she thinking? _Mika rants, well into his fifth bottle, and Arrow listens patiently, never having touched a drop.

_9. War_  
There's a smell to Vampaneze blood that heightens all of his senses, sends him into overdrive, makes him feel invincible like_ this is it, Sarah, remember I promised I would_ – and it's only when he chooses to finish the job not with his dagger but with his _hands_ that Arrow wonders whether he has finally become a monster, or whether he _would_ if Mika wasn't always there to snatch him back from the brink.

_10. Weddings_  
Mika feels oddly uncomfortable in a sharp suit after years of living as a creature of the night, but not nearly as uncomfortable as Arrow looks strapped into his formal attire – in the moment he slips the ring onto his bride's finger, though, Arrow looks just as happy as any other human groom.

_11. Birthday_  
It has been exactly a year since Mika was blooded – or close enough, Arrow has been doing his best to keep track of the sunsets – and even the dark half-vampire snarling _you fool, my birthday is in November _isn't enough to stop him lighting the candles and pouring the wine; he always had wanted a little brother.

_12. Blessing_  
_It's all going to end in tears_, Mika warns, knowing exactly how these relationships with humans always end – though that can hardly be considered a blessing, Arrow can hear that his throat is tight, that he doesn't want to have to say a real goodbye, and so he clasps his hand anyway and draws him into an embrace.

_13. Bias_  
Mika is quite sure he isn't the right person to pass judgement on Arrow's successes or failures as he trains to become a General – but that doesn't stop him relaying the night Arrow had slayed the mad vampire with poorly-disguised bias, conveniently forgetting the less impressive details.

_14. Burning_  
The grand estate is still standing, after all these years, but it's abandoned and decrepit – when Arrow realizes that Mika will have gone back, he arrives just in time to watch the whole thing burn.

_15. Breathing_  
It takes twenty minutes for Arrow to emerge from the Maze, longer than it should have done, and it is only after Mika gasps for air that he realizes he's been holding his breath along with him.

_16. Breaking_  
So many years have passed that none of them remember him, that he is no longer welcome in their lives, but Arrow continues to visit his children and their children religiously, whenever his schedule allows it, and Mika follows every time.

_17. Belief_  
_Everything happens for a reason, _Arrow assures him, the belief in his voice as strong as ever, as the two stand over the pit of stakes and watch the blood pool between the cracks; Mika admires his certainty, but quietly wonders whether fate is nothing more than just a cruel roll of the dice.

_18. Balloon_  
Mika stands out like a sore thumb among the balloons, the cake and the children – some of the little ones even cry when they notice him – but, sitting with his daughter on his knee and his sons at his side, Arrow looks at Mika with such delight that all the embarrassment is worthwhile.

_19. Balcony  
You can't make someone love you, can you, if they just don't_, Mika says, not a question, bending over the balcony and observing the lights and sounds of the human world – Arrow doesn't have the heart to agree with him, or tell him _I told you so_ when he knows that isn't what he wants to hear, so he just stands alongside him and looks out into the night, providing whatever comfort he can.

_20. Bane_  
_Promise me one thing_, Arrow says seriously, when their differences are behind them again, _never take another assistant.  
_  
_21. Quiet_  
For the first time, Arrow cries – long, broken sobs – and Mika doesn't mock him for it, doesn't say anything at all, just places a hand on his shoulder and presses their foreheads together, trying to share some of the pain.

_22. Quirks_  
Arrow is awoken abruptly by the kind of blood-curdling scream that makes him scramble for his sword and jump clumsily to his feet – when he eventually realizes the sound is coming from _Mika_ and that it is a modestly sized spider that is causing him so much panic, he growls and hurls the sword as hard as he can in his brother's direction. _  
_  
_23. Question_  
_What were you thinking? _Arrow quips, when Arra says something stupid in front of the _whole_ Hall, and it's taken a few months, but finally this time Mika chuckles.

_24. Quarrel_  
Mika is as good with words as Arrow is with a machete – when Arrow snatches his hand away before he can make the Death's Touch sign over his opponent and Mika barks _not everything is as black and white as you think_ that gives him something to think about for weeks, maybe even months, afterwards.

_25. Quitting_  
_I can't_, Mika laments, as midnight approaches on the night of his last Trial, and Arrow growls and holds his head, forcing their eyes to meet – _you can_, he says, and there is such conviction in his voice that it's impossible not to believe it.

_26. Jump_  
There is a moment of complete freedom, standing on the edge bathed in the light of the sunrise and wondering if the fall will kill him, wondering if _she'll_ be there if it does, but before he can take the step, Mika's arms are around his hips and he's being hauled back onto safer ground and kicked for his stupidity; _next time, I'll push you_, his brother promises, but his voice cracks and Arrow knows he doesn't mean it.

_27. Jester_  
For the first few months, Mika regrets his decision and realizes he _cannot stand_ Darren Shan, and the feeling is particularly pronounced when the youngster brings Larten's stupid spider up for a visit and allows it to crawl as it wishes around the Hall.

_28. Jousting_  
Arrow is a huge man, taller and broader than almost all others, and Mika is shorter, more human in his physique – that makes it all the more satisfying when the black-haired vampire discovers a penchant for sword work that makes it impossible for the older assistant to defeat him.

_29. Jewel_  
The first and only time they fall for the same woman, Mika fetches expensive jewels and fabrics and Arrow fetches nothing, just presents her with himself and allows her to make the judgement – Arrow wins, like he always does, and Mika doesn't speak to him for two months afterwards.

_30. Just_  
In a just world, Kurda might have succeeded, Sarah might never have died, Mika might have led a normal human life and might never have been dragged into this mess in the first place – the world is not a just place, though, they know that by now, and so they do the best they can with the hand they have been dealt.

_31. Smirk_  
Arrow is not a General, and he is no longer part of the clan – still, when he hears of Mika's investiture it is the least he can do to fire off a quick message over their mental connection just to say _well played_, and, on the other end, Mika smirks.  
**  
**_32. Sorrow_**  
**When Mika tries a tentative _how are you?_, after so many years, Arrow storms away into another Hall, not wanting his brother to see the tears in the corners of his eyes.

_33. Stupidity_  
Vanez is optimistic about the possibility of Arrow becoming a great warrior, one of the legends, from the first time they meet – but as he watches Mika attempt to jump from bar to bar and trip over his own feet in the process, smacking his head on his own staff on the way down, he stifles his laughter and has to remind himself that _sometimes_ the slow-starters come through in the end.

_34. Serenade_  
The first time they visit Evanna's, Mika is reminded that he is anything but a charmer by the _one_ vaguely disappointed glance she graces him with – even her _assistants_ have the nerve to chuckle – but he feels better later when, after launching into an embarrassing serenade, Evanna banishes Arrow there and then for his audacity.

_35. Sarcasm_  
_Never better,_ Mika snaps, burying his face in his palm when Arrow asks _that_ question before the light of Arra's funeral litter is even out.

_36. Sordid_  
Arrow watches as Mika yanks her wrist toward him, hard enough that she almost overbalances, and then as she balls her hand into a fist and _actually_ punches him – there is blood on his lips and he reels, likely more from surprise than from pain – but then he can't bear to look anymore; this isn't a kind of love believes in or understands.

_37. Soliloquy_  
Nobody becomes a vampire on a whim, Mika realizes, after a fortnight of listening to Arrow stir and cry out in his sleep – and sometimes the hardest, the toughest, are really the weakest of all.  
**  
**_38. Sojourn_**  
**When Arrow meets his end – in the wilderness, in battle, as he would always have wanted – Mika surprises everyone, including himself, in becoming one of the first Princes ever to resign without having been disgraced; then again, he always had wanted to go out on a high. **  
**  
_39. Share_  
_Mika won't eat pheasant_, Arra says, before he even has chance to lay down his catch, and his brother chuckles from the log which formed his makeshift seat – Arrow would have really loved to smack her for that comment, if he thought he could justify it, just because _how dare she_ know something about Mika that he doesn't?

_40. Solitary_  
Arrow always desperately wanted to be a brave warrior, a war hero, but it takes him a couple of months to recognize that the bravest thing to do _isn't _slaughter every last Vampaneze with his own two hands – the bravest thing to do is to learn to love the clan, which could never die, could never be just _taken away_ one day with a flick of a wrist, with the same ferocity.

_41. Nowhere_  
When he realizes that the clan is as helpless as Sarah, crumbling at the feet of not a legendary but a _real_ Vampaneze Lord, Arrow also recognizes that years of searching for acceptance and peace have gotten him nowhere – he still wishes more than anything that he _had_ killed every last one of them while he had the chance.

_42. Neutral_  
While Larten Crepsley loses his composure and vows to fight to his _last savage breath_, Paris noticeably does not bother to speed up his explanation, and Mika and Arrow exchange a glance and try to keep their expressions even – Paris is a wise old vampire, but he still has a truly _wicked_ sense of humour.

_43. Nuance_  
_Really, Arr, really?_ Mika grunts, watching as Arrow jumps away from the edge of the pier as though terrified that someone was going to push him in - Mika looks around self-consciously, aware that the other Generals are staring, and then pulls his brother away from the edge and marches him back onto solid ground.

_44. Near_  
_Sometimes the only thing you can do is the wrong thing_, Mika argued, and Kurda volleyed back _no, there's always another option_ – Arrow couldn't really keep up with the metaphors and the lofty philosophical nature of their conversation, but it did seem that Mika, the pessimist, and Kurda, the dreamer, had finally met their matches in each other; when Arrow remembers this, years later, he realizes sadly that Mika was right after all.

_45. Natural_  
Paris had once explained that death was a part of life and that is should not be feared, but that doesn't stop the two of them from huddling around his coffin as he struggles for breath, one of his hands clasped in each of theirs.

_46. Horizon_  
It takes the two of them many years to get this far, but eventually, as the sun threatens to rise on the horizon, Mika jerkily splutters out fragments of sentences, _I had to, what else could I have done, she was my mother, _and Arrow finally begins to understand how this life might have been preferable to the luxurious one he left behind.

_47. Valiant_**  
**Arrow is a furious wave of destruction, all attack, confident with every weapon as long as it can _hurt_; Mika is cool and calculated, a dark silent storm, clever enough to push his opponents to the brink of exhaustion and practically allow them to fall on their own swords – individually they are both brave warriors, but together they are as great as a force of nature.  
**  
**_48. Virtuous  
I believe in him, _Arrow says of Darren, the bright look of optimism in his eyes – the problem is, Arrow believes in almost everything, and Mika prays his hopes won't be dashed again like they have been so many times before.  
_  
49. Victory_  
They clap each other on the back – who knew little Darren was such a strategist? – both grinning and watching the bloodshed, the clan's victory already assured.

_50. Defeat_  
_It's over_, Arrow says, eyes hard and cold, when the battle was done; _no_, Mika groans, voice cracking, _it's only just beginning. _


End file.
